At My Own Pace
by raziella
Summary: Tsukasa unthinkingly throws Ryuji a challenge; to remain passive in their relationship. It is not long before she feels the impact at the loss of his touch and starts to act on her own.


She had no IDEA how this whole thing came about but now her heart was beating in exhilaration. Her cheeks would flame every time she thougt about it. Her breathing would catch in her throat and her mouth would go dry. Every one of these feelings were familiar to her, for she felt them every time he came close, and he came close OFTEN. Too often in fact. Every time they were alone, which included whenever he managed to sneak in on her changing, he had ordered Bun-san off somewhere on Kuriygumi business, and every time he had wisked them off to some empty place, bathrooms, closets, abandoned corridors etc. He even did it in public, even if he then disguised it under casual touches, hanging over her back, breathing in her neck, looming over her with a scary expression or smacking his forehead to hers with a confident smirk. Her body's desires would betray her every time. Yet she could not allow them to linger, she would push him away with a beet-red face, punch him, kick him, throw him or run if there was no other way. She could not stand being so close - it felt as if her body would burst into flames.

It was when he was not close, however, that she felt the lump in her throat, the sting in her eyes and the growing panic in her chest. He was too far away. She could not breathe. If she could see him from a distance she felt no desire greater than that of wanting to stretch out her hands to touch him, his face, his cheeks. It itched in her fingers to crumble his shirt in her fisted hands, to feel his warmth press against her body, hear the thumping in his chest and listen to the breathing that would calm her frightened heart. It was even worse when he was not there, though. Everything seemed dull, like the world had lost its colours, a flower its smell and the sea its voice. She would often find herself stop moving, just staring out the window or up in the sky. Even worse, she would move without a conscious decision, her feet taking her where she knew she would find him. And when she did, she would breathe a sigh in relief, and then he was too close...

He noticed. Of course he noticed. He notices everything, whether it be his kumin being less than honest or her buying a new pair of panties; he just always knew. Though his eye for detail can be admired in many aspects and situations, this was a time when she had really wished he had just NOT looked. Then again, it was probably too much asking for, seeing as it was such a personal issue. She not standing his touch yet constantly craving it? It would have been abnormal had he not realized what was going on. She could never, even in her wildest dreams, have hoped for the suggestions he came up with, though. Okay, so it was her suggestions. Fine, she demanded it, screaming in his face.

'I'll never get over this unless you let me move at my own pace. So I swear to Kami-sama, if you don't agree to this I'll leave!'

She would not have left, she knew, for the pain of those words alone caused her knees to buckle and she had fallen to the floor. He had watched with wide eyes, a look that he often shoots her whenever she do something astonishing in his eyes. Something he could not have imagined coming from her, her lips, her body. Something that often went above what he expected or could even dream of. He looked at her that way that time, and she knew she had won. Even if he smirked not a second later, agreed and turned his back on her with eyes that would have told her he was thinking something hentai, she knew she was getting her way with this.

When they had finally agreed, yes she means him smirking and turning his back on her, she had thought it would take her ages to get started on this. It was all just too EMBARASSING. Then again, being Ryuji, of course it would take her no more than those thirty seconds it took him to leave the room had she started missing him, and her mind started imagining things she could do, would do, now that she had the chance. She could do whatever she wanted to and he was not allowed to respond with any action of his own, what so ever. She was safe to get as close as she liked for she could back anytime she wanted to. It was almost too good to be true. When she considered it, which she did many times over - before, during and after - it probably was too good to be true. However, she decided, clenching her fist in a determined manner, that would not stop her. She was Kozuki Tsukasa for crying out loud, who was she if she could not take advantage of a situation without getting caught by too good to be true scenarios? Glumpily she had to admit, she realized a second later, she had done just that, been caught, many times, and Ryuji had always been the one who had to pull her out of those crisis situations. Briefly she reflected how this would turn out differently, seeing as Ryuji would now be a part of the action from the very beginning.

It was the next day when they went to school together, and she had had the chance to miss him on a number of occasions already, that she finally took action. When he had not appeared in her bedroom trying to catch her changing, not forcefed her som super ultra-expensive vitamin for dinner (even though it was now completely unnecessary, dismissing Taku-nii's parting words to stay as long as the debt was unpaid, she would never leave his side willingly) and not sneaked in to sleep with her wrapped securely in his arms, she had become restless and aggrevated with whomever dared interfere with her self-imposed solitude. By the time morning came and she finally, in agreement to her job as bodyguard, could return to his side, her shoulders had been stiff as boulders and she was glaring menacingly at everything within sight.

He greeted her normally, which freaked her out and almost brought tears to her eyes as the simple 'Good morning' registered, or rather the lack of body contact or even a lingering look to say he was really seeing her. She had punched him in the face and walked out before he could say anything. Now she was walking two steps in front of him regretting her stupid actions - why would she punch him when he was just honouring their agreement? Yet she could not force away the nagging feeling of being rejected, which was silly seeing as he was never polite to that extent to anyone else.

Finally, about halfway to school (yes, they were walking because they were early due to lack of any fights breaking out between the two), she swallowed her pride and stopped until he reached her. She matched her step with his. Neither said a word, but she could feel her cheeks burning from the humiliating situation she had put herself in. It only took a minute or so, after which she reacted to his presence. He was looking ahead, not even casting a glance at her. He did not look locked up as when kumin were present, but he was not his normal relaxed face like when they were playing. He just looked like he had his thoughts elsewhere. And it made her insanely distracted. How could he just walk there as if he did not notice her? The fact that their hands almost touched with every step they took had her hand itching to actually grab it. Of course she could not, especially if he was not even thinking about her, just walking there with his cool face.

She grew more and more agitatated until she could not take a second of it anymore, and simply took his hand in hers and held it firmly. If he was surprised he did not show it, but her heart swelled when she felt the almost unnoticable squeeze he gave, and suddenly she thought herself stupid for being so obsessed with the whole thing. What did it matter if was thinking constantly of her or not, he was here by her side, was he not? Feeling like she was walking on clouds, they neared the school, and still no one said anything, but the atmosphere was pleasant.

It was not until they turned the last corner that she jerked her hand away upon realization of what their connected hands would look like to the rest of the school. Even if the kumin of Kuryugumi knew and accepted her basically as Ryuji's seisai and woman, no one in the school knew about her actual sex apart from her brothers. She was not ready to reveal that last detail about her life just yet. She did not look at him when she pressed her hand to her side, but if she had she would have seen the scowl on his face and noticed the clenched fist that was left cold after her warm embrace.

Being a guy to the world had its advantages, she thought later when the class was divided up between girls and boys for gym class. Even though she had to change in the bathroom after everybody had left, she still got the opportunity to work out with the guys while the females were sent off to tracking. They would be doing wrestling, something the higher ups had decided was not appropriate for both genders to attend at the same time.

When she realized what was on today's schedule, she had almost cried from relief, no swimming. It did not occur to her the implications of standing close enough to feel the breath of the other person while trying to put him on fall, not until she found herself standing pressed against a very toned chest against her face with hands pressing around her body. Yes, she had chosen partner, even with her protector her body was betrayingly small and curvy and she did not trust anyone to get close enough to feel that without getting suspicious. So what if a small part of her brain smirked at her hidden agenda, she would be able to stand next to Ryuji and she had a perfectly resonable explanation that even he could not find a hatch in.

What she had not counted on what the extremely close proximity of which he would be when the games began. She knew how to fight, no one could argue with that. But she usually kept her opponent at legs length when she delivered a kick in the side, kneed their chin or punched their sorry face. It was only in friendly fighting that she actually _wrestled_. Therefore, when she found herself in the arms of the man who she had not been able to touch intimitely for seemingly forever, her heart raced. She could barely concentrate on the game and she found herself on the floor in mere seconds. Surprised she looked up in his eyes and found him looking equally surprised with their faces only inches apart. Her breathing came out in short gasps. Her hands were securely trapped in his, held firmly above her head, stretching her body out. She thought she would burst into flames yet she dared not move lest he stand up and leave. Somehow his body fitted so well against hers she could not held but arch her back to feel him press against her more prominently.

Her gaze fell to his lips that were just a breath away from hers, and she could smell his breath on her, a fresh mint hidden under a heavy bittersweetness of smoke mixed with his personal smell of pure Ryuji. She breathed in deeply, or tried to though her best attempt was tantered as even though they had surely been still for hours she felt as if the air still escaped her. His body pressed heavily on her and she treasured its dominating presence so close to her. Even half-lying half-sitting next to her, with the way his body was looming over her, she felt completely surrounded by him. She licked her lips and caught a glimpse of something dark flashing over his glaced eyes.

And then he was gone. She blinked trying to catch on to what just happened and saw Ryuji walk away towards the side where Bun-san handed him a bottle of water. Her own mouth felt unbeleavably dry as she watched him gulp down the cold liquid and she swallowed hard, a lump in her throat. Of course he had moved away, with how long he had stayed it was a miracle no one else had noted. Suddenly remembering the rest of the group she looked around and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw no one looking at her strangely. Everything seemed to have moved on without anyone thinking it was strange two guys being caught on the floor staring at each other for so long. Maybe it had not been for so long like she had thought.

The rest of the day went by excrusiatingly slow. She was careful not getting too close and Ryuji seemed set on the same thing, or maybe he was just keeping his promise which she could no longer decide was a fortune or a curse. Usually by now Ryuji would have touched her multiple times, and she would have thrown him off equally many times. She missed the contact something terribly, she thought as she stared at him while eating his school lunch. He was looking at his food, seemingly lost in thought and while she would have pushed food down her throat at the given opportunity (Ryuji's personal chef now did her obentoo just as he did Ryuji's, making it highly classy), she now merely ate at a slow, for her, pace while not missing a second of her dinner neighbour's movements. It was so smooth, controlled, distant, she wanted nothing but to see him slip up. Maybe get some rice stuck on his chin, maybe drop something from his chopsticks, maybe just look up at her and meet her gaze.

An idea popped into her head and she scanned his box and found her goal; surume (dried squid), napped it with her chopsticks and steadily met his surprised eyes when she brought the small treat to her mouth, took it between her lips, slowly chewed, swallowed and licked her lips. He gaze did not waver and when he contniued the strained silence she began to worry about what to do next. She only really thought about wanting his attention. Sure she had it, but what should she do now?

'What? It didn't seem like you were going to eat it, and I've already had all of mine', she said with a raised brow in challange for him to drop his gaze and look at her bento. He did not. He just lowered his gaze to his food and began eating again. It pissed her off!

She bit back a growl and set her next plan into motion (yes, it had become her goal to catch and maintain his attention, nevermind she asked him not to react, this was war!). Very slowely, she slithered her foot out of her shoe and sock and began by pressing her toes to his. Though covered by thick leather shoes, she was certain he felt her. She watched his face intently for a reaction and was sourly disappointed when he did not even blink. She became more daring and slid her foot flat against his. Still nothing. Upon reaching the hem of his shoe, she went more slowly bit still continued her journey up his leg. At first she went under his pants, feeling his hairy skin against her toes, but not long after she material was stretched to its limit, she could not keep pulling it up his leg without assistance of her hands, and she could not do that. This was a game, who could remain expressionless the longest?

She curled her toes, gathering skin and strands of the hair on his legs together in a hopefully partially painful knot. She willed him to react as she watched him from under her fringe, but still nothing. He was finished though. His chopsticks were put neatly across the bentobox and he had leaned back in his chair in a relaxed manner. He was looking down though, maybe he was texting someone? Somehow that upset her to no end, and she daringly crossed his knee with her adventurous foot. Instead of feeling his skin she now had the pleasure of traveling to much more dangerous areas, on the inside of his thigh. She was barely moving at all by now and she had given up on inconspicously sneaking peeks at him and openly stared instead. She was well beyond four inches up his inner thigh when he suddenly looked up with a glare. She swallowed. This is what she wanted, a reaction. She just had not realized quite how strong it would be - she was frozen in place.

She waited for him to move, for him to grab her foot, to stand up, to do anything really, but when nothing happened she suddenly realized he could not move. Of course, she had never expected him to be this true to his word, but it was exhilirating to know. She was again reminded of what an amazing opportunity this was. She bit her lip speculatively and she noticed suddenly that his eyes followed the movement of her lips rather than that of her eyes. She smirked then moved another quarter of an inch up and had the pleasure of seeing his eyes widen slightly. That is, before she registered what she felt. Her own eyes flew up in wonder and she quickly recoiled. Without caring who took notice of her odd behaviour, she scrambled her footwear on and basically ran for the exit.

She did not stop until she reached the entrance to the school grounds. She put her forehead to the brick wall and cursed her actions, for she knew she would have to go back to class. Never could she leave school without a good reason, and the only reason she could think of at the moment was still inside the walls of the campus. Okay, so she had a pretty good excuse, but she doubted it would count as one once explained to the administration. She could do nothing but go back and face the devil of manipulation. Now that she thought about it, it was quite obvious why he had chosen that exact moment to react, but naïve as she was, she had to continue, all for the purpose of attention. Damn her desire for exclusive possesion. Damn him for taking her so seriously on her demand for a non-reaction Ryuji!


End file.
